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everything she wants is everything she sees   
06:59pm 17/10/2006
mood: cheerful
this weekend i went to visit lacky at uni with my dear sarah. i think that saturday was a wicked nite but i will never know cz i remember fuck all and i think i passed out pretty early.
the barman in the pub really fancied sarah so i kept getting her to go up and get my drinks for me cz he was giving her quadruple shots of vodkas instead of doubles, if not more. no wonder i was so wrecked. i think we ended up leaving the pub in the end coz lacky's mate anton got kicked out for throwing up at the bar and then starting on the barman when he had a go at him.
sarah drove all the way to manchester and back and we had lots of fun listening to wham all the way home.

guess who i got a phone call from last week? k who i met on holiday (or cay as it is actually spelled)he was the best holiday rep ever im so glad he got in touch. in fact i am off now to write him a letter and send him some photos.

ps. cant wait for don to come back to work it hasnt been the same without him!
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the dolphin said no   
07:03pm 20/09/2006
mood: nostalgic
its been a month now since i got back from holiday and i want more than ever to go and work abroad next year. i dont know why i didnt think about it before. next year would be the perfect time to do it considering i will finally have to leave my job at the raf base early next year so my job can be done by a computer..

haha what a joke. they are bringing in this new system across the whole of the raf, army and navy where all the jobs to do with personnel are done by computer and so far it hasnt worked out as they hoped. altho i should shut up about it coz one of the corporals i work with wrote a letter complaining about it to the sunday express last week and got in loads of trouble because of the official secrets act.

anyway i am more than ready to leave my job, ive been there over two years and it bores me silly now. they have also been telling me ive got to leave for over a year now and the time keeps getting put back. and all the people i like best have left now except for don. my boss has just left so no more funny stories about little boys being raped by taxi drivers or anal prolapses or sexual abuse of dolphins.

so yes, career change. and seeing as i still havent decided what job i want to do going to work as a holiday rep seems like a great idea, it will be like spending a whole summer on holiday and i can put off having to decide what i want to do long term. it would be great to get away from this place. im bored of st.ives, the whole country in fact. i want to go somewhere thats hot and sunny and has nice beaches and cheap booze and nothing bbut people in holiday spirit. i also want to escape my job and my family, who drive me mad half of the time.

i really want someone to come with me coz i hate doing things on my own but my friends and boyfriend dont seem up for it coz they have work commitments and stuff. but this is the first time i have decided what kind of job i want to do and actually wanted to do it for more than a week. *sigh* i am very indecisive and lazy and useless but if i want something enough i always get it. i guess we shall just have to see what happens.

ps. ear surgery on saturday

pps. haha i just had a txt from sarah saying she just saw geoffrey smith! of all ppl! (that kid in the ivo from chatteris, remember anyone?) its so funni coz we were saying the other day how funny it would be if he grew up to be a stud but how we would probably never see him again in our life....
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your my rock of empathy my dear   
06:41pm 15/09/2006
  who watches the X factor? did anyone see the one with thirty one year old security guard from cambridge, trevor halfyard? the one who sang robbie williams let me entertain you really really really badly? it was too amusing to ever forget! and the funniest thing is that sarah's boyfriend actually works with trevor! hahaha! what a freak! apparently he has the mental age of a child.

me and sarah are going to get james to persuade trevor to come out for a drink with us. how funny would that be? apparently he is obsessed with kylie minogue so james will just have to tell trevor i look like kylie. maybe i could be the one to steal his virginity, there is no way that guy has ever had sex. james says all he talks about is his playstation. and he is just as expressionless in real life as he was on X factor.

right better get ready to go out, lacky goes back to uni on sunday and tonight he is coming out to get pissed in town with me koz and sarah one last time.
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06:52pm 01/09/2006
  ive decided that spending my life savings on cosmetic surgery is actually a very good idea indeed and the surgery is booked for 23rd september. woo!!  
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i think about you when the night is cold and dark   
05:58pm 22/08/2006
mood: depressed
since i got back off holiday i haven't been able to shake off a feeling of depression. i had the best time last week and we had a week of the most gorgeous weather and it sucks coming back to this dull town, back to my dull job and this shitty weather. i also now have a cold just to add to the insult.

im also humongously disappointed that my meeting with the cosmetic surgeon didnt go to plan yesterday. several years ago i used to have flesh tunnels in my ears which i now regret doing and want my holes to go back to normal size. my doctor said there was no way i could have it done unless i had it done privately and paid for it so i arranged to have a consultation at the clinic. what my doctor wasn't able to tell me was that it would cost nearly two grand to have it done. even if i had the money its way too much. so i dont know what to do now. all i can think of doing is emailing some plastic surgeons and seeing if there are any that will do it cheaper. *sigh*

i really miss magaluf. i so want to go and work out there next year. i miss sitting in the bamboo club every night, it was so chilled out. and i miss K, he made me laugh so much, hope he keeps in touch...i even miss sleeping in a room with cat and being woken up by her coughing every morning! haha i even miss that fucking street cleaner! this morning i got woken up by the dustmen and the dustcart sounded just like that stupid tube thing the street cleaner used. i actually thought i was back in magaluf for a minute.

im seriously going to think about working in magaluf next summer. im losing my job in january so i wont have that to worry about and there isnt much to keep me here. i need someone to come with me tho, i hope cat's still up for it. its got to be a million miles better than this place! fucking gay england and its fucking gay cosmetic surgeons and expensive booze!!

*misery misery misery*
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where have you been, we've been worried sick!!!   
05:13pm 20/08/2006
  oh my god, ive just come back from the best holiday EVER! went to magaluf in majorca for a week (same as last year) with cat, maisie and toby, and we had a fucking wicked time!!!

we picked a sort of bad time to go with all this terrorist shit, we weren't allowed to take hand luggage on the plane and everyone had to be searched but there weren't any bad delays like it said there would be on the news.

me and maisie spent the week sunbathing topless on the beach in order to become bronzed goddesses, although maisie got more of a tan than me because i was too lazy to get out of bed and down to the beach as early as she did. as well as sunbathing we also went paragliding which was awesome.

the hotel we were staying in was for over 18s only which was better than a family one with little brats running about. it did get pretty rowdy though, especially on our first nite with the "chelsea boys" running riot round the whole place and waking everyone up. and we were woken up every morning by the street cleaner. he was sucking up rubbish with what looked like a small tube and made more noise than anything i ever heard in my fucking life! early one morning half the hotel were out on their balconies screaming abuse and throwing things at him!

naturally we spent every nite getting drunk and of course we went to BCM, the biggest club on the island. You pay about 20 euros to get in and then all drinks are free. they have world famous DJ's playing there but we didn't see any on the nites we went. it was still wicked tho we got very drunk and the laser show was great. me and maisie stayed and danced the nite away till about 5am. Unfortunately we had every single italian bloke in the club pretty much trying to rape us. we felt like 2 pieces of meat. why are italian blokes so sleazy? one of them tried to spike our drink 2. actually it wasn't just the italians, when me and maisie were dancing together we had pretty much every bloke on the dancefloor trying to get with us. we never realised we were such studs! that never happens in the music box!!

BCM was cool but we spent most of the week in the bamboo club which was our favourite bar. the ppl were really friendly and the cocktails lovely. it was like a home away from home. we also made friends with the bars rep, K, he had the funniest lines to try and get ppl to come into the bar. hopefully he will be there if we go back next year. i could easily go back there and spend the whole week just sitting in that one bar every nite. i miss bamboo club already :(

i got quite friendly with a couple of ppl from our hotel too. there was one bloke who was the absolute spit of craig david. him and his mates had foam parties in their hotel room every nite where they sprayed each other and the whole room with shaving foam. craig david had a bit of a thing for me and maise.

on our last nite the spanish police came into our hotel room at about 4 in the morning coz they thought toby had broken in for some reason. they woke up maisie who was asleep wearing a pair of pants with "kiss this" written on them. i wasnt there at the time as id gone down to the beach. which was a bad mistake at that time of nite coz there was a fucking orgy going on down there! tonnes and tonnes of couples all shagging on the sunbeds!! well they dont call it shagaluf for nothing i suppose...

apparently the funniest point of the holiday was me coming out of the shower in just a towel and slipping on the wet floor and throwing my towel into the air while trying to save myself. cat got to see *everything*. the look on her face was one of absolute horror! lol!! on the other hand ive never heard maisie laugh so hard in my life!

theres probably about a million other things that happened that i could talk about but ill stop now. what a fucking fantastic week, i feel so depressed to be back! it was the best holiday ever ever ever and i cant even wait to go back next year!!!!
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just because im fucking bored....   
01:24am 05/08/2006
mood: sober
1. Elaborate on your default icon.
oh my god i fucking love it its been on my computer for years and i don't even remember where it came from.

2. What's your current relationship status?
In relationship. As ever. I just seem to fall into them.

3. Ever have a near-death experience?
I think i once came near to hospitalising myself while fucked on E until beautiful ryan saved me and i could have died i suppose but prolly not.

4. Name an obvious quality you have.
Drinking lots without puking.

5. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
San Quentin by Johnny Cash. Just because i stole this quiz thiinng off cat's Lj and thats the song she had written down and now its got stuck in my head.

6. Name a celebrity you would marry:
Kirsten Dunst, i think she's fine. Or Jennifer Aniston coz she seems so sweet. Or Rik Mayall to make me laugh my arse off every day.

7. Who will cut and paste this first?
probably no one.

8. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
When i was little everyone said i looked like Kirsten Dunst did in Jumanji and stuff. Someone also once said i looked like a white version of that black singer Gabrielle with the eye patch (???) and a couple of ppl have said i look like kate moss. also ive been told i look like gollom from lord of the rings.

9. Do you wear a watch? What kind?
i did have a playboy watch but ive suddenly become allergic to it which fuucking sucks coz its well nice.

10. Do you have anything pierced?
my ears and belly button. i peirced my wrist and the top of my leg when i was in school just beause i was a loser

11. Do you have any tattoos?

12. Do you like pain?
No. I used to like burning myself with boiling spoons when fucked on pills tho.

13. Do you like to shop?
more than anything in the world.

14. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
probbably alcohol. no wait, it was a stamp.

15. What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?
a bottle of wine coz i had no cash on me

16. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
my bloke

17. What is on your desktop background?
some shit manga thing my sister put on there.

18. What is the background on your cell phone?

19. Do you like redheads?
gingers smell of wee

20. Do you know any twins?
only the nobles coz tom noble gets guitar lessons off my stepdad.

21. Do you have any weird relatives?
only about 95% of them. i am one of the wird relatives. and my mum shes fucking strange. just like all of her 8 brothers and sisters and most of their kids.

22. What was the last movie you watched?
Beetlejuice i think

23. What was the last book you read?
err......i read memoirs of a geisha a few months ago and that was the last memorable thing i remember reading, its fucking awesome.
08:34pm 20/07/2006
  the other week i got so ridiculously drunk that i lost my shoes and had to walk all the way home from town in my bare feet. go me!! (i wont even tell you how long it took before i noticed i wasn't wearing them)

also......nadine stocker is the skankiest bitch in the whole entire world and i hope she dies of cancer or something equally horrible.
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ive had fitter birds than you before   
07:15pm 07/06/2006
mood: loved up
lately i have mostly been getting fucked.

my mum went away for 2 weeks kindly leaving me and my sister to 2 weeks of partying. koz, rob and butty pretty much moved in. everyone drank lots and smoked lots of weed. we played the best drinking game EVER and rob threw up and passed out. at the end of 2 weeks there was lots of mess but rob and sye kindly helped us tidy the house and sye had to lend us his mums hoover coz ours broke.

on saturday i went to the strawberry fair and drank 3 bottles of wine and felt extremely drunk. i dont remember the last hour or so of the night but i know i got lost somewhere all by myself and nearly missed the last bus home and a random girl helped me to the bus station. one of the last things i remember is some bloke who was sitting near us dying and the paramedics trying to revive him. and a trip to the offy with ninja dan and paddy to buy more booze. i saw so many ppl on saturday i used to know (and sleep with). it was pretty weird.

on monday night i managed to get ridiculously drunk in town and insulted the kind bloke we met who gave us a lift home by slagging him off loudly in the back of his car. i was so wasted i forgot he had offered to drive us home and thought i was in a taxi. dont ask

my dad and stepmum are going to split up. at the moment they still live in the same house but sleep in separate rooms. my dad has a new girlfriend, some russian woman who cant even speak proper english. i dont do foreign people.

anyway fuck my dad. at least i have a lovely boyfriend who sent me beautiful flowers today and he hadnt even done anything wrong :)
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i hope she had a trim before she came out tonight   
10:55pm 07/05/2006
mood: happy
i haven't updated in about a month because ive been too busy going out and getting drunk and just generally having a life.

i have a new boyfriend, koz, who used to live round here years ago and briefly went to school with us. im so glad he moved back here coz he's great.

don't really speak to chris but i don't think there's any hard feelings.

lots of stuff has happened in the last month, mainly crazy alcohol fueled stuff.

me, koz, rob and nadine had an 'orgy' in robs room

ive taken lots of driving lessons

me and nadine pulled each other in front of a whole pub on a tuesday nite coz we were drunk and thought it would be funny

i went to my great auntie's 80th birthday party which was obviously extremely exciting.

some bad family shit has happened which i cant really talk about

i went to a really nice bbq for sarah's birthday

im barred from the haywain for life coz i caused a scene when i was drunk and told the manager to fuck off

we all went out for maisie's birthday and liz pulled

before we went out for maisie's birthday we were involved in a car accident but luckily nobody was injured

yesterday i went to my stepmums brothers wedding. the reception was at the dolphin hotel in st.ives where koz and maisie work. it was a really good party. me my sister and our new adopted 'cousins' got really wasted together. they are really cool and we are going to go stay with them in london. i was easily one of the most drunk ppl there, in fact im a bit afraid to go back there again.....

i forgot to mention im friends with butty again and we have made a vow to text each other every sunday morning when we are really hungover and paranoid just so we know that we may be paranoid but someone still likes us!

anyway the next month looks set to be pretty fun too coz there are more birthdays coming up, woohoo!!
okey dokey time for some pokey   
09:02pm 30/03/2006
  i have broken up with chris but i don't want to talk about it so i will talk about other stuff instead....

but not my dad's mid life crisis either......(he is seriously doing my head in.....who would ever actually want parents?)

on monday i had a fun filled nite getting wasted in st.ives. very wasted. consequently myself and a group of friends can never go in the royal oak ever again. i cant quite remember why. something to do with calling the owner a slag and telling her to die of cancer. coz she moved a chair. or something. grumpy bitch.

on tuesday nite me and toby went to the robin hood and drank about eleven or twelve cocktails, which led to me feeling very shit in work yesterday.

last nite me and the whole of my work (including upstairs) went out for a curry in huntingdon. pete nearly made me throw up with laughter by bringing up "cornflakes" in front of the whole table. only a few people know about "cornflakes" so most people didn't understand what i was laughing about and thought i was mad.

in work one of our main topics of conversation has been lydia's new dildo which don calls "twin towers" because its so fucking big. and threesomes which are now known as "double pokey". and "cornflakes" which i am not even going to go into because its too gross.

tomorrow is PARTY TIME!!
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do you like what you see yet?   
07:06pm 03/03/2006
  the people i work with really are the best, they make me smile every day. especially don, when he rips the piss out of jules are her hairless minge. "i have alopecia don, i don't have hair anywhere on my body. anywhere!"

charlie had an ann summers party on monday and it was great. jules is going to have one in a few weeks. and when she's had hers i'm going to have one of my own.

we are all going out in st.ives tonight for jule's leaving do. hopefully if we go to the box, she won't get the urge to swing around the pole in crotchless knickers.
06:56pm 28/02/2006
mood: too many pancakes
my lovely little cat smidgen, who i love very much, has finally been put down at the age of seventeen.
that is a pretty good age when you consider that he has lived for the last 15 years as a cripple after being hit by a car on the a1.
my dad and lisa said he had to be put down coz he was losing his fur and throwing up and shitting all over the place. it seems to me like they are glad to be rid of him finally coz they thought he was a pain in the arse.
but me and nic miss him, he has been there nearly all our lives :(
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07:45pm 30/01/2006
  i am about to start driving lessons

the roads will never be safe again
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thats the sort of bag you carry a head round in   
06:51pm 16/01/2006
mood: cold
well i haven't updated in aaaages, probably because i spend very little time at home now.

christmas was good, the best in years.
i bought about a million presents coz i have such a huge family and so many friends. luckily i got tonnes of presents back, including a necklace, a really nice bag, a unicorn, lots of money, chocolates, make-up, slippers, a duvet cover and a load of other stuff i cant remember.
chris came to my work christmas party with me at the pike and eel and we had a brilliant night. the people i work with are the best.
on christmas eve we went to sergeant gill's and then me and chris stayed at his parents house on christmas eve night. i went home in the morning and spent christmas day at my mum's and then spent boxing day at my dad's. im so spoilt, i got to have two christmas days, one with each set of parents. i even got two christmas dinners.

just before christmas i went on a trip to gloucester with work and i got to see where fred and rose west's house was. it was so cool, i have a complete fixation with serial killers, especially fred and rose west. i remember reading about them everyday in the papers when the whole story first came out and i was only about 8 or 9. i guess ive always been a little sick.

at the weekend it was chris's 21st birthday. we had a party at the bungalow on friday nite and went out for dinner with chris's family on saturday. friday nite was a bit mental. chris paid paddy a tenner to shave his head, paddy has never had hair that short in his life. kev shaved his head too and he also did the most disgusting thing i have ever seen anyone do with a pistachio nut.

kev has finally got his computer installed in his room and he has a lot of sick shit on it, like animal porn. this morning i got to watch a woman romancing an alsatian while i ate my cereal.

bye till next time!
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rude crude and in the mood   
05:43pm 28/11/2005
  tragedy struck a couple of weeks ago when tom's grandad died. this was tragic because tom , chris and kev rent their place off him. however, tom and his dad are now going to buy the place so they can still carry on living there, woohoo!

it is so cool that they have their own place their own place. on friday nite shitloads of people came over, it was like katie's flat used to be. nathan came over and he is friends with me and chris now after falling out with us when we got together. (this is because him and mitch were best friends) but he is friends with us again now which makes chris very happy. alex also came over, it is probably the last time we will see him coz he is moving to march. he was so pilled up i thought he would chew his face right off.

on saturday i went shopping in stevenage with my darling cousin kimberly and bought about a billion things. including an ice cube tray that makes willy-shaped ice cubes as my secret santa present for work.

on saturday nite me and chris spent the nite in the queens head with his sister, her husband, and chris's boss and his wife (they are good friends with chris's sister which is how he got the job) we saw a whole load of other ppl we know coz it was the year anniversary of the queens head re-opening and they were having a karaoke night and tonnes of ppl were there. this included luke, who has been in prison for the past 6 months, it was good to see him again and hes looking well bless him.
the new owners of the queens head used to live in the house behind mine and when me and nic were little we used to crawl through the hedge at the bottom of the garden and play with their two boys.

i practically live at chris's now; i havent spent a night at home in over a month, altho i do stay at my dads house occasionally. leonie also pretty much lives round there too as her and tom are going out now. finally.

i am glad i stayed in my office now coz we have a load of new ppl and they are all quite filthy and smutty like me. i think i work in the sleaziest office in the world. and quite possibly the one that eats the most biscuits.

chris might be getting me a kitten for christmas, yay :)
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put some fruit in it!!!!!!!   
07:04pm 02/11/2005
mood: rushed
tom, kev and chris having their own place is fucking sweet! it is now my new home pretty much, and we have all had much fun drinking and watching alan partridge and stuff. this includes listening to the song on the second series over and over and watching alan partridge dance at the beginning of the dvd.

the first complaint about the noise came at the weekend from one of the old people next door. the next door neighbour on the other side is a cokehead, so he doesnt care, and he came over on friday night and got kev and paddy fucked.

on monday nite we dressed up coz it was halloween and i wish i had pictures to put on here coz we all looked so funny, especially paddy who was dressed as a mental patient.

we went to see the corpse bride last nite and it was cool (of corpse)

toms cat decided to climb out the window and fuck off back to his parents house which is just round the corner. so tom has now got pet rats which are better. i love them sooo much they are sooooo cute! rodents of joy <3

oh and tom bought me a cactus
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another perfectly good pair of underpants ruined   
09:32pm 24/10/2005
  the other weekend i went on a day trip to hunstanton with chris, tom and cat, before the weather completely turned. not that it really mattered what the weather was like anyway coz we spent most of the time in the pub. next year we must remember to go there more when its actually summer.

last monday a whole load of us went into cambridge for pound a pint night at the graduate and kev and huw got completely fucking wankered. after stopping kev from getting into a fight with first huw and then paddy we eventually got him onto the bus where everyone was taking the piss out of huw because they all think that hes gay and fancies kev.
just as the bus was coming into st.ives huw and kev thought it would be very amusing to go for a piss at the back of the bus as they could not wait any longer. the sight of kev with his cock in his hand pissing away merrily is not an image im likely to forget for a while. unfortunately the bus driver did not see the funny side and they got kicked off.

this weekend chris tom and kev moved into their new house. they are living in toms grandads old bungalow in needingworth and its a pretty cool little place, with lots of room. i see lots of fun and parties happening. the only bad thing is that toms nan died in that place and chris is shit scared that shes going to come back and haunt them.
but apart from that they are all very happy there. kev is relieved to get away from his dad who is the biggest arsehole in the world. ever. when chris was living with kev i practically lived round there and kevs dad was always being a cunt to kev and his mum. army sergeants fucking suck.
tom has brought his cat, pickle, to live in the house and hes starting to settle down already, bless him, hes so lovely.

i am sat home alone tonight because tom and chris have gone to see lee evans at the cambridge corn exchange and i cant be arsed to go out, but they are coming to pick me up on their way back.
its kind of hard to get used to the fact that chris now lives in the next village instead of practically the next street. but at least we dont have to listen to kevs dad, sgt gill, screaming his head off at 5am anymore. and i will practically be living with chris anyway. we have been together 3 months now and we are not bored of each other the slightest little bit, i love him so much.

oh dear, i intended to tidy my pig sty of a room tonight but instead ive just sat on the internet. oops
ive got a meaty surprise for you   
06:22pm 14/10/2005
mood: tired
ive spent the last week with my adorable boyfriend who flew home from holiday a week early on his own coz he couldnt stand it anymore. i think he was mad to do it but i dont care coz i was missing him tonnes.

in another week or so chris will be moving into his new place with tom and kev. they are moving into toms grandads old bungalow in needingworth coz toms grandad has moved to ramsey to live with his new bird. he hasnt wasted much time in finding someone new considering toms nan only died about a year ago. i went to see the place last weekend and it looks pretty cool.

this week was the st.ives fair which i went to with cat and maisie as no-one else wanted to go. to be honest i dont think i will bother going next year as its gotten pretty crap.

paddy has managed to get hold of a copy of the new family guy movie which is not out in britain yet and we all went over his to watch it. family guy fucking rules.

yesterday i went on a motorbike for the first time in my life. my office supervisor, pete, has one and i rode on the back of it all the way from raf wyton to raf brampton as we had to go there for an equal opportunities course. it was fun and a lot better than getting the bus. the course was a bit boring but we got to watch a play which was quite good. they use professional actors in it and one of the blokes was in withnail and i. withnail and i is such a good film. i spent the whole day trying to work out which bit of it he was in.

last nite me and chris went to visit his family as they all got back from holiday yesterday. his niece and nephews are the best.

tom has a free house all weekend and i will be going there shortly.

adios amigos
11:26pm 03/10/2005
  i spoke to chris on the phone today and he wants to pay for me to fly out to portugal on thursday so i can spend the second week of the holiday with him.

much as i hate to turn down a free holiday i really dont think pete will let me have another week off work as i have soooooo much work to do. also i dont fancy flying to portugal on my own.

i just wish chris would come home, i miss him